Friday, July 29
woke up feeling as shitty as ever. having trouble breathing these days and i fall asleep by just closing my eyes. standing up. decided not to go to school. like it makes a difference even if i do. i'll just sit next to janet at the table in the morning and ignore her guy. then yawn during flag raising. stare at the clock all through the lessons. twiddle my thumbs. i like it much better when i stay at home and sleep all day. dreams are my reality.
my mother insists i am problematic only because i am a mel-chlor. i am destined to be sad and troubled all life long. what the hell. sometimes i get the feeling that i'll never be happy again because i've used up my quota.
chris got my parcel. YAY!!! =D =D =D
i love you!!! heh heh. i don't care if you sound les, or if i do. please appreciate the gloss! i tested several shades on the inside of my wrist that day at the risk of looking as if i have hickies! and the rose got kinda squashed. whoops. notice i didn't declare it. hell, i only declared 2 items because it was so darned embarrassing. don't forget to show me pictures. i really wish you were here. and here's a fact. if you were here with me, in singapore, in hwachong, in my class.. i
know i'd find the strength to attend school more than 4 days a week. i'd do my hwk. i'd study. because you'd be with me. you'd never leave me to fend for myself. i'd never be alone. but guess what. i'm here. you're there. will i ever see you again? do you remember melting the wax outside 1e2 at the end of the year? and that picture of us.. we were always laughing. i thought you were pretty darned cool when we first met. you were the monitress. and so responsible! remember how we joked about you becoming such a delinquent as the years went by? ex-assistant head prefect in primary school eh. hahaha. when we're old and greying.. do you think we'll still be friends? please don't name your kid after me. i sort of hate my name. you may use my chinese name though. it has poetic connotations. maybe your kid will turn out every inch the romantic we've always been. hahaha. remember us making beaded necklaces? and you can't cross-stitch for nuts! hahah i still remember your mulan piece. follow instructions, girl! sigh. i haven't eaten ruffles in ages. it somehow loses the fun when you're not there to binge with me.
stupidpoundingheadache. i cringe every time i take the foul-tasting medicine. i have to take it twice a day for 3 months. good grief.
dance with me, this dance of death.
it must've been love.
9:30 pm
xoxo
